Abraham, a dilemma and going my own way.

It was not so long ago that I was completely immersed in the teachings of Abraham as channelled by Esther Hicks. The basic message is simple and in many ways felt like truth to me - that our thoughts create our reality. I had always had this inkling that our thoughts were in some way connected to the events and experiences of our lives. I still remember my school friend, who is a sensitive and intuitive person, saying that she wouldn't allow herself to think bad things in case they came true. Although this sounded like childish superstition, I knew on some level that she was right. Since then science, in the form of quantum mechanics, appears to be proving this to those of us who require more rational, physical proof of such beliefs. In particular the double slit experiment which shows that matter is formless until observed. If you want to know more about this you can watch an explanatory video here.

The Abraham Hicks teachings say that we can have whatever we want, we only need to desire it, know that it is ours and allow it to arrive in its own time taking whatever action we feel inspired to take to bring it into existence. The emphasis is on making ourselves happy which comes across as an ideology of selfishness. But then, if you think about it, who else's happiness do we really have any control over? We can try to make others happy - it is always a pleasure to give to others - but we can't make them happy if they choose not to be. Also, if we prioritise giving to others over giving to ourselves, which women in particular have been educated to do, we are left feeling drained and resentful. So Abraham teaches us that making ourselves happy is the only sure way to please ourselves and others in the long term.

But something has troubled me about this philosophy for quite some time and that is the Abraham view of the world's problems. When questioned about the corrupt political systems, the endless warmongering, the poisonous food and unsustainable, polluting fuel sources, I find Abraham's answers unsatisfying. The usual response is that whatever we focus on we attract into our lives. That these things can exist in our world but they only become a problem for us if we give them our attention and thus attract them into our experience. But when these things are so pervasive: on the TV, on the internet, in newspapers, conversations and so on, it is difficult to ignore them. Also, then the questions arise such as, "Is it ethical to ignore things that are happening in the world in order not to attract them into one's experience?" "Do we not create our reality collectively as well as individually?" "If so, should we not be informing others so that they might participate in choosing a better reality?" "If we just go about making ourselves happy and ignoring the problems experienced by others, is that not selfish, irresponsible and even heartless?" "Where is the place for compassion in such a model of reality?"

The questions have kept on coming and I have been going around in circles looking for answers to these and more. I want to believe the Abraham version of reality because it sounds like fun, having everything I have ever wanted, but somehow I just can't.  I can't believe it totally, not because it isn't true - I have proved to myself it does work by attracting some big things I never used to think were within my reach - but because it's not all true, for me at least. I can't float through life just having fun. Maybe it's because I'm a serious, hard-working Capricorn but I believe this a very important time for humanity and I want to be a part of moulding something new and much, much better than our ancestors would ever have believed possible. I want to break down the old, outmoded systems. I want to push the boundaries of what has always been considered possible. That's what I was born to do as were many others who are alive at this time.

There is an energy of potential in these times that is there for everyone to sculpt into their own work of art. The main message is to think big, the bigger the better. This is no time for little dreams. What would we ask for if we could have anything for ourselves, for each other and for the planet as a whole? Only our imaginations can limit us now.

Reiki

Saturday I received the reiki attunement which means that I am now a channel for this healing energy. My friend, who recently became a reiki master, kindly offered to perform the ritual so that I would be able to give healing to the members of my family who need it on a regular basis.

I have known about this healing modality for several years since another friend in Bristol learned the technique. She said that it was amazing and had completely changed her life. For my part, I was sceptical because I had been receiving healing free of charge from the National Federation of Spiritual Healers for a few years but these reiki attunements were costing anywhere from several hundred to a few thousand pounds. To me it seemed like people were cashing in on the growing interest in alternative treatments.

So that considered, why would I go ahead and have the reiki attunement? It is true that I do not believe that anyone needs an 'attunement' to be able to heal others. All that is a necessary is an genuine desire to help another and, for those who believe in such things, giving one's consent to become a channel for any healing a person may need in accordance with their highest good. But since my friend was offering to teach me for free as she wanted to practice her new skills, I decided that it certainly would not hurt to learn a new technique that could help the people in my life and, from what I have been told, I would also benefit from the healing sessions.

So, since Saturday I have been feeling quite calm and contented. I have performed reiki on myself, which I must continue to do every day for a total of 21 days. I will update this page with any observations and changes I notice. If nothing else, it is encouraging me to reconnect with desire I had before I moved here, which was to become an alternative health practitioner.

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It's been a week since I received the attunement and I have experienced some side effects as my friend said I might. Twice I woke up at 4am to finish my self-treatment after falling asleep in the middle of it. Once I had finished it, I felt really good before I fell asleep again until my alarm at 6.30am. She warned me that I might feel some negative physical symptoms such as nausea, headaches and dizziness among others. These three I experienced last night which sent me straight to bed but now I am almost recovered. Heightened emotions today; being easily moved to tears or laughter. The best of it is the feeling of general contentment and appreciation for everything. I feel more fully present and more joyful. I'm counting my blessings and noticing the small things. The scent of the lemon I cut for my morning drink is an exquisite perfume. The white hairs on my dog's chin, proof of his ten years, make him distinguished. The vivid yellow, spring daffodils with trumpets turned towards me seem to bid me good morning as I walk down the path. The textured, gravelly tones of my students' voices and  the scratching sounds of their pens on the paper hold me, gracefully, in the moment. My heart is open and I feel the flow of love moving between myself and the people I am with. It's a feeling of ease but I can feel the difference when I focus on something I don't like. I'm resisting it and my heart closes a little which hurts quite a lot. I mean, it hurts physically in the middle of my chest. So then I choose to focus on something else or I let it go and breathe it out. It is what it is and I don't have to identify with it so strongly. Finally, the dreams are more vivid and I visit other realities which are similar but different to this one and the people I meet there are the same or like blends of more than one familiar person. Last night the meeting was one that left me with butterflies today, but I can't remember why. Dreams are like that sometimes.